Police officers in Panama City Beach made a startling discovery last week. They blew open the cover story of the world’s creepiest good guy, none other than Batman himself.
Deputy Williams cornered the superhero sitting in his truck (where was the Batmobile?) outside of a home empty of its owners. He had a trunk full of all the usual tools – screwdrivers, hacksaws, binoculars and a pry bar. There was no sign of a grappling hook or even his mask.
But Danny Zane Tatum wasted no time spilling the beans. He confessed to being the masked vigilante almost right away, even directing the authorities to his bat cave – a motel down the road. Hardly the stuff of blockbuster movies.
So here’s the question. If this guy is the real deal (or even if he just thinks he is), where is the costume? Where is the muscle-bound suit with tricks galore and a sweeping cape? If you’re going to claim an identity, especially one so well known, you had better have the gear to back it up.
Imagine if Tatum had headed to the local costume shop and bought or even rented the famous get up. Then those cops would have been impressed, likely they would have even asked for his autograph. Once they left him alone, he would have been free to survey (or empty) all of the houses in the neighborhood. Come on Danny, use a little forethought.
There was apparently a girl in his motel room. Well, not actually his motel room since he didn’t rent it, but climbed through the window to have a shower and entertain guests. She too missed a chance to collaborate the man’s story. What if she had presented herself in a tight-fitting Catwoman suit, purring and pawing at the sheriff? That may have saved her friend from the questioning and arrest he was subsequently caught up in. These two have no sense of drama.
The moral of the story is this – if you claim to be a superhero, at least have the look to go with it. Never claim to be the Hulk if you can’t produce green skin and don’t say that you’re Wonder Woman unless you can use a whip. Get the gear and then go fight the crime. Or commit it, whatever works for you.
